Biden vs. Trump: ‘Thrilla in Vanilla’

DOVER — Bernard Miller runs a gym in Dover.

It’s called the Dog Pound Boxing Club, likely one of the most unlikely places a political reporter for the Washington Post would ever call.

But the week was anything but predictable anyway, what with spring starting with 5 inches of snow.

The call, made by the Post’s Philip Bump, was about the “Thrilla in Vanilla.”

Our Uncle Joe vs. the President.

Joltin’ Joe Biden vs. Donald “Do not Congratulate” Trump.

The latter was a part of fight poster someone dubbed Darth posted on social media. The dark side of his humor included tiny boxing gloves for the president.

As you might expect, former Vice President Biden’s remarks at a rally at the University of Miami made all the late night monologues.

Vice President Biden was there for a rally about sexual assault awareness. He was at a podium, back to a riser of Miami students wearing orange “It’s On Us” T-shirts.

“A guy who ended up becoming our national leader said, ‘I can grab a woman anywhere, and she likes it,’ ” former Vice President Biden said to the college students. “They asked me if I’d like to debate this gentleman, and I said ‘no.’ I said, ‘If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.’

“I shouldn’t have said that. But then I was told that’s just locker room talk. I’ve been in a lot of locker rooms my whole life. I’m a pretty damned good athlete. Any guy that talked that way was usually the fattest, ugliest SOB in the room.”

This, perhaps, is a prelude to 2020.

Or, maybe as “Tonight Show” host Jimmy Fallon joked, a meeting at 3 p.m. by the bike racks at the White House.

Said ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Thursday night, “And Trump, being the president, took the high road and ignored it because he’s too busy running the country for stupid stuff … oh, he didn’t?”

President Trump took to Twitter Thursday morning, @realDonaldTrump’s message:

“Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy. Actually, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault. He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way. Don’t threaten people Joe!”

Oh Don King, where are you?

“Late Night” host Seth Meyers cracked, “This is just what America needs: “The Thrilla in Vanilla. The last time I saw two old dudes going at it like that, my local Walmart was down to its last bottle of prune juice.”

Added Jimmy Fallon about the septuagenarian standoff, “Experts said the fight would go nine rounds with 10 bathroom breaks.”

***

Back to Mr. Miller in Dover.

As it relates to Washington, D.C., the only fights he had on his mind were two Golden Gloves finals. Two of his boxers are contenders.

“The guy (from the Post) called me yesterday and he was like, ‘What do you think?’” said Mr. Miller. “I said, ‘I think Biden would get him.’”

Mr. Miller, of course, knew about Mr. Biden’s football past. The Washington Post writer, he said, countered with President Trump’s golfing prowess.

Mr. Miller jabbed, “I said, ‘Yea, but he’s riding in a cart.’”

Mr. Bump wrote that “the whole thing is stupid” – the kind of thing that “degrades discourse.”

But, for fun, he decided to go ahead and pose the questions about a fight between the two men.

Playing along, Mr. Miller gave his insights.

He told Mr. Bump that this is how he would train them:

“If I was training Donald Trump, I would train Donald Trump to make the fight nasty. It would be what we call dirty boxing. Dirty boxing is a lot of holding, grabbing, inside punches — borderline cheating. Breaking the rules.”

To train Biden, Mr. Miller said, “I would train my guy to be really slick. In and out. Attack and then counter.”

The edge?

“It all depends on if the one boxer is in better physical shape than the other,” he told the Post writer and gave the nod to Biden. “Not that I got anything against the president, but I’m just saying: He doesn’t look like he’s been in any physical activity ever.”

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March snowstorms can be quite aggravating for the Delaware State News.

The timing of Wednesday’s nor’easter left us with a difficult decision as to how to handle printing and delivery of a Thursday edition.

With a forecast of ice and heavy wet snow on Wednesday, we opted to keep carriers off the road.

Who knew whether roads would be treacherous Thursday morning on Delmarva? The impact on Smyrna, Dover, Milford and Lewes can be quite different with each storm.

We chose to put together an e-edition only for the Thursday paper. Getting word out about it, however, was tricky. We shared that information on our website — www.DelawareStateNews.net — and on our Facebook and Twitter pages for storm delivery information.

We apologize to readers who did not get word and thought they had been overlooked.

Anyway, thank you to our readers and subscribers for their understanding. Even when we get a complaint about missed papers on a day like this, it reminds us that people really do want to have their daily newspapers at breakfast.

Reach editor Andrew West at awest@newszap.com

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